Top 10 List to Get Ready for Baby; Part 1
Times, they are a changin'.
This summer has been a long one, totally absent of the times we usually have. We all know that this happens when you start a family, even if you haven't personally started one. Priorities change. No big surprise. But nothing prepared me for how pregnancy would be a departure from regular life.
What were we focused on these last eight months? Why did everything change? It wasn't about not being able to be active - I worked out until I was 8 months pregnant. It wasn't about being tired. Sometimes I had energy for days. It was the getting ready for baby part that was draining us.
Getting our house, jobs and overall lives ready
One hot August day, my hubby and I looked at each-other after our walk-in-closet-converted nursery was fully assembled and organized, our brand new bedroom dressers and two armories filled with what used to be in the closet, and the closet filled with a nursery for what was now growing in me.
We were loosing sleep and flat out exhausted from the five months of this home reorganization. Standing there in the finished closet-turned-nursery was overwhelming. Probably had nothing at all to do with the pregnancy hormones, probably was totally normal as I burst into tears and cried on my husband for a few minutes. "We did it, we made a place for him, we're ready." I said. It was the same feeling I had after all of my life's biggest accomplishments.
But hold up. It was basically reorganizing our house, getting new furniture and moving a bunch of stuff around.
So why did it feel so monumental?
Because we were able to focus in on what mattered and leave the rest behind. It took a crazy level of focus to spend time on the right things, at a time when there are many things expectant parents could focus on.
Oh the things I wanted to do, but left behind:
Did we attend a parenting class? No. Did we register for shower gifts together? Get a belly-mold made, or read up on the placenta? Nope. I was supposed to tour a hospital or birth center with my husband. Do you think I did that? Nope. Did my husband come to any of my midwife appointments with me? Nope. One time when my midwife wanted to talk to him, we face-timed him in.
So what did we do, and why did it work for us?
Here's our Top 10 Getting Ready for Baby list (1 - 5)
1. Address your fears about birth head on
People may tell you there is nothing you can do to prepare yourself for the first time you give birth. And for some people that's true. For others, it's important to prepare to some degree. Some go all out and some just read a bit. But you tend to get ready in your mind, as you nest and prep for baby.
And as you prepare, fears naturally start to come about. Will it hurt, will it go on forever, will I be able to handle it, will we make it to the hospital, will my body work, will baby be ok, will I tear, will I have complications, will I hate my medical team, lash out at my doctors, punch my partner in the groin and totally loose my mind? (no? just I wondered that?)
The only way to get through these mental blocks and enjoy your pregnancy and birth is to face your fears head on. Don't run from them, because birth and your fears will find you at about 9 months along and you will have to face them then.
I had my own paralyzing moment early on. I sat in my midwifes office crying, 13 weeks pregnant. Realizing this life was going to arrive was supposed to be exciting. But birth had me scared. Specifically, I was terrified I was going to tear at delivery. Of course, I was also ashamed and embarrassed I was crying selfishly about my own body, when I was lucky to be bringing this blessed life into to world.
At the midwife's recommendation, I signed up for a birth class where I learned how the body works during birth. I learned about the probability of tears, and what can be done about them, and what recovery was like. I got into a staring contest with my fear. It put up a good fight, but I won.
2. Medical provider - love them or leave them
Many factors go into why you might like or dislike a medical provider. If they have you feeling more icky than incredible, it's ok to fire you OB. Not sure how or why? This article provides some good thinking points.
The bottom line is, as soon as you don't feel it, leave. For me, I loved one provider out of the 10 rotating midwifes and OBGYNs at the Obstetrics practice I was going to for the first 15 weeks. Dr. Melissa Burtner is real, available, personable and joy to talk to. But there was a less than 10% chance she would be with me on delivery day, and I'd probably have just one or two prenatal visits with her the entire pregnancy because of the rotating practice she was in.
Not good enough for me. I left, and proceeded to hand pick my birth team. I used a midwife who was backed by a credible OBGYN. I called my insurance and asked exactly what they did and didn't cover, and I set out a new plan.
It wasn't more work than staying with the OB practice I was with, because staying would have required me to work though a lot of frustrating moments with providers I was not connecting with.
Fight for your right to insurance coverage
When my insurance refused to cover what I knew my policy was supposed to cover, I called every person I could at the insurance company incessantly for three days, and called my employer's benefits office. Basically, because I knew what I had purchased with my insurance, I read my list of rights calmly but repeatedly to everyone I spoke with until they listened. In short, I threw a giant annoying pregnant lady hissy-fit until the company fixed the problem and allowed my coverage.
It's ok to change, even late in the game
It's never too late. My sister left her OBGYN and switched to a midwife at 35 weeks with her second child, and had a successful VBAC a few weeks later.
Don't be afraid or feel obligated to any provider. They work for you and you are in charge.
My midwife, Rachael Cook, who I selected after leaving my OBGYN, ended up changing my life - without her, the birth experience I had would not have happened.
More information on reasons to leave your prenatal medical provider, and exactly how to do it in this useful article from the Bump.com
3. Stay active
You've already heard this - the last two months of your pregnancy will be bearable if you have stayed active. They will be less bearable if you have stagnated. This is just so true, and until you experience it, nothing can really prepare you. So just trust what you've heard, and stay moving.
No matter what your activity level is starting out, aim for 10,000 steps per day or more.
One book I read the moment I found out I was pregnant is The Pregnant Athlete. I love it because it's research based and shows how to maintain your activity level safely during pregnancy, whether you're an occasional gym visitor or a marathon-runner. It lays out plans for each part of pregnancy that are easy to follow and motivating.
I love that she is wielding a kettlebell on the cover. :)
For me, I lifted heavy weights until 6 months pregnant, and did core workouts and cardio until 8 months. Even with this, in the last few weeks of pregnancy I swelled up and gained 15 pounds in two weeks from water weight and swelling. If I had already gained 50 lbs at that point, I wouldn't have been able to walk when that last 15 piled on. But because I'd only gained 28 when that happened, I was ok. Not thrilled, but ok.
Speaking of lifting - kettlebells are how I have lifted and currently lift weights, since about 2004. Lauren Brooks, aka the Kettlebell Queen has been my fitness inspiration for many years. Since before getting pregnant I couldn't wait to try her Baby Bells dvd, and it did not disappoint. She is so cute and inspirational. I have had a chance to chat with her a few times over the years, and she is the sweetest.
This DVD helped me stay in shape through pregnancy and get into my skinny jeans eight weeks afterwards.
4. Borrow, trade, re-use, and find discounts.
Stop buying things. Now. Join your local Buy Nothing Group on Facebook. Garage sale. Post on social media asking for hand me downs. Do not drain your bank account during pregnancy, because more costs will come in later. You will be paying for this child for the rest of your life - don't start it out with overspending.
Here's some perspective:
If you take that $700 you were thinking about spending on a stroller, put in in a savings account with a modest 3.25% interest rate, and don't touch it for 18 years, you'd have about $5,700 dollars. That is enough to pay for your son or daughter's graduation party, and cover their computer, plane tickets and outfit their dorm room as they head off to college. Or enough money for their first year of tuition at a junior college.
But if you're an average middle class person, you can probably save much more than that. According to Parenting.com, the average American spends $12,000 dollars on items for pregnancy and early parenthood within the first year of their child's life. If you took just half of that and put it in that into the 3.25% savings account, you would have $48,120 saved by the time your child is 18. That's more than enough for a good start for any young adult.
5. Baby's room is about organization - that's it.
You do not need more than a well-organized baby area. Take it from parents who, not by choice, have small spaces due to living in the city, houses size, etc. (i.e., myself and every city couple I know).
Even if your space is unlimited, don't dedicate a giant room to baby. You know it and I know it: The more space you have, the more likely it will be filled with things you will rarely or never uses, wasting money and time.
Our baby's room is a closet. Yes. A closet. He sleeps in a walk in closet converted into a nursery. And it's more space than he needs. We call it The Clausee' (pronounced "clo-saye"). It's very fancy.
Here's a video of our little space - which is all about shelving plus a little decor.
Check out my full post on how we moved all our clothes out of our closet and made it into a room for baby.
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